Tech savvy consumers are lining up today to be the first to purchase Sony's brand new stupid piece of shit that doesn't do the goddamn thing it's fucking supposed to. Onion News Network tech trends reporter Jeff Tate has more.
Thanks, Brandon, it's been called the biggest fucking waste of your hard-earned money to come along in years.
Sony's new stupid box thing hit the shelves of crowded malls of over priced electronic stores around the country today.
"It's got a whole bunch more memory and mega-pixels and what not that every other TV should have already have.
"I can't wait to get home and spend my whole fucking night trying to figure out the god-damn thing out.
If you can somehow claw and bite your way through the impossible to open packaging, this stupid piece of shit offers a wide variety of frustrating as hell functions including flashing random fucking words and numbers on its display screen, not coming with the fucking little doohickey thing it's supposed to, and being goddamned ass backward as fuck.
Sony spokesman Allen Compton said the company designed this sucking fucking goddamn thing, to make everyone of a modern home want to tear their fucking eyeballs out.
"We listened hard to what our customers said, they wanted most out of their home entertainment system, and then, we pumped out this impossible to use fucking peace of shit.
Anyone mystified by the device's numerous extraneous features can scroll through the interactive help menu a labyrinthine maze of indecypherable topics of use to fucking no one.
"We want to people to be screaming in unison from houses across the country, work, work you cock sucking peace of shit, what is wrong with you, why can't you work like a normal machine.
With the hundred million dollar nation-wide campaign to plaster irritating ass advertisements for the retarded hunk of garbage every single goddamn place you look, Sony is expecting it to become the next fucking gizmo you absolutely have to fucking own if you don't want to feel like a toothless hill billy living in some hill billy shack somewhere.
"I love bullshit like this. Basically I buy any goddamn thing that I see in an ad.
Fucking piece of shit is available now, so run out and pick one up and invite all of your friends over to see if any of them, can figure out this mother-fucking time vampire. Unless one of them is a rocket scientist, Sony pretty much guaran-fucking-tees they'll have no chance.
For the Onion News Network, I'm Jeff Tate.
Thanks Jeff. Sony says they plan to release an upgraded 800GB version of this piece of shit by the end of year, just when you figure out the goddamn remote control for this one.
It never ends this shit.
P.S. ところで、こういう言葉を調べるには、Urban Dictionaryがすごく便利です。